Cheap-Ass Travel

8 Feb

If you have no money (like me), the best way to travel is to do resort work. Tons of resorts across the US and abroad need seasonal workers, and to attract us they offer sick benefits. At this job, we got to use powerboats for free and for as long as we wanted, we used wakeboards/waterskis/tubes/kayaks for free, we got a discount on the gas (which, split between 4 people ends up being $16 for an entire day of wakeboarding – basically free), and we got to go on tons of free employee trips to tourist spots. Oh, and housing was $50 a month, meals were Welfare-cheap, and they even gave us a free week on a houseboat if we finished out our contract. (I didn’t get to use mine because I live on the other side of the country.) This is the website that I and alot of other people have used to score jobs.

On that note, I’d like to begin showing off my next summer-job destination. Hopefully. They better love my application..

SUMMER 2009: THE NEXT FRONTIER

picture-3

Washington state, you’re SO HOT right now. If I was a gentle but slow giant named Lennie and you were a mouse, I’d keep you in my pocket and stroke you. Don’t get the literary joke?:

I haven’t even BEEN to Washington, but the Internet is making it look so damn sexy. Lock the door, unzip your jeans, and check out this national park porn, sponsored by 1-800-RED-HOTT:

olumpic-abbey-island-ruby-beach

Her name is Olympic National Park. She loves stretching out naked on an empty beach.. with or without you. Dial 9 now to talk to her.

olympic-mtns2

When Olympic National Park goes out with the girls, she’s fantasizing about you with your pants off. That’s her secret. Dial 9 now to talk to her.

olym20653

She’s living three separate lives. No one knows. Hear her secrets when you Dial 9 now to talk to Olympic National Park.

olym1040

Have you been a bad boy? Olympic National Park wants to teach you a lesson. A lesson you won’t forget. Dial 9 now to talk to her.

1-800-RED-HOTT

“Where local girls go wild”

Now that I’ve gotten you all hot and bothered, let’s talk about Presidents.

It only makes sense that my boy Franklin Delano Roosevelt was the mastermind behind National Olympic Park. FACT: He was my favorite US President ever since I did a paper on him in the eleventh grade. You tha man, FDR. (IMO, Obama should ditch the $900 billion-dollar tax rebate crap and do what FDR did after the Depression – create a bunch of jobs with conservation projects.) <– That wasn’t very Escapist of me and I do apologize. Ish.

Lake Quinault Lodge is the place I hope to get a job at. They offer hiking, kayaking, fishing, and apparently the rest comes easy. Kind of like your mom.

picture-2

I’ve also applied at Stehekin Landing Resort in Washington (equally sexy), Sequoia/Kings Canyon in Fresno, California, and I did a general application for all Aramark resorts including the one pictured above. Lake Tahoe would be my second choice. A couple friends of mine worked there and loved it.

To be blunt, remaining in Massachusetts over the summer pretty much guarantees unemployment. So I’m escaping. :) <–shameless plug

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12 Responses to “Cheap-Ass Travel”

  1. Michael February 11, 2009 at 4:12 am #

    Hilarious! Don’t rub too hard Lenny!

  2. dctouristsandlocals February 11, 2009 at 4:33 pm #

    I also had a friend who did backpacking tours and got paid. All he had to do was go on the trip with some others who paid to go, then write about the experience for the tour company’s website in a daily journal format. I think he did Alaska. Not too shabby for summer fun!

  3. ummmmheyyyy February 12, 2009 at 4:56 am #

    Oh man Unemployed Dad first I thought you meant “Lenny” as a 1800RedHott caller. Then I realized you were referencing John Steinbeck’s crapsterpiece. <–Just wanted to say that, it was actually a pretty good book in high school.

  4. ummmmheyyyy February 12, 2009 at 4:56 am #

    Uhhhh dc gimme his number. STAT.

  5. Michael February 12, 2009 at 5:35 am #

    Yet the double entendre of rubbing too hard, as applied to the central character in “Of Mice and Men” fetish for soft objects entwined into a post about phone sex with national parks still escaped you. Disappointing.

  6. ummmmheyyyy February 12, 2009 at 5:39 am #

    My sexual tangents are random. Apparently you take a more scholarly approach to thinking dirty thoughts. You should be a professor of sexual innuendo. Write a thesis called That’s What She Said. Do it. I dare you.

  7. Michael February 12, 2009 at 5:42 am #

    Okay I’m back to being impressed now.

  8. guideontravel February 19, 2009 at 7:47 am #

    These places are beautiful……if it is cheap to travel here …then its very nice for me……

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