10 of the Most Annoying Faces

22 Jan

10. Mario Lopez

  • Dimples. When a person has dimples, there is an inverse relationship of cuteness to frequency of smiling. The more frequently a person with dimples smiles, the less cute they appear. Other than the time A.C. Slater and Zach Morris fought, I don’t remember ever seeing Mario Lopez frown. Hence, a cute level of 0.
  • Perpetual tan. I’m Irish. You’re just making me jealous.

9. Perez Hilton

  • Unkempt eyebrows. You’re gay, you’re supposed to have that shit covered.
  • Falsies. Blue eyes are reserved for people that are intriguing and smart. Like me. You’re neither. Henceforth, those must be contacts.
  • Ironic smile. I’ll see your poor self-esteem and raise you a past unhealthy relationship with food.

8. Megan Fox

  • DSL
  • Dead eyes. Mostly affecting people with no intellect or talents. Don’t believe me? Go rent the Olsen Twins’ Holiday in the Sun and Lindsay Lohan’s Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen to see the real depth that Ms. Fox has put into her roles.

7. & 6. Heidi Montag (Pratt?) and Spencer Pratt

  • The blond beard and ‘stache. Not cute on anyone.
  • The wonders of science. Thank goodness for scientific discoveries. Without them, Heidi’s face, hair, and body as we know it wouldn’t exist.

5. Miley Cyrus

  • Self-explanatory

4. Ed Westwick

  • Nostrils. Do those things ever settle down?
  • Cheekbones crafted from the finest marble
  • Hair that’s better than mine

3. Justin Bieber

  • Baby face. Stop singing about girls and go build a tent-fort.

2. Lady Gaga

  • …Nothing exceptional going on here. Which must explain the ridiculous outfits they put you in.

taylor swift

1. Taylor Swift

  • Squinty eyes
  • Weird teeth
  • “Angry” eyebrows
  • Lips. Can you close them?!
  • Overall alien-resemblance

And there you have it. A thoroughly-researched, comprehensive list of today’s most annoying faces. I hope I haven’t hurt too many of your feelings, Interneters. Be gentle.

33 Responses to “10 of the Most Annoying Faces”

  1. kaceydoesdallas January 22, 2010 at 4:04 am #

    So i love dimples (not necessarily Slater’s), don’t hate! Chuck is damn sexy….possibly bc of his attitude on our favorite teen drama. Have you heard Justin Bieber talk? He is “ghetto” which is very amusing and hilarious for a little white kid :=P

  2. Peter Clarke January 22, 2010 at 8:45 am #

    Lady Gaga could also be on your list of 10 most annoying penises.

  3. ummmmheyyyy January 22, 2010 at 3:29 pm #

    No, No, No.

  4. ummmmheyyyy January 22, 2010 at 7:25 pm #

    Hm. Maybe you should write that list. Shudder.

  5. Michael January 23, 2010 at 5:28 am #

    Jane Krakowski gets my vote for annoying face. So painfully moderately attractive without actually getting there, smile that is simultaneously vacuous and vain, chin that could cut glass.

    I actually laughed out loud on the Perez Hilton one.

  6. ummmmheyyyy January 23, 2010 at 5:55 pm #

    I’m glad I made someone happy on the Internet. haha!

  7. Peter Clarke January 25, 2010 at 6:25 pm #

    @ Samantha
    I said Lady GaGa, not Amy Winehouse

  8. Camels & Chocolate January 26, 2010 at 2:10 am #

    Haha I agree with 80% of that (all but TSwift, whom I ADORE, and Gaga, who I think is a creative genius). But all the rest are SPOT ON!

  9. ummmmheyyyy January 26, 2010 at 2:25 am #

    I personally want to slit Pandora’s throat for adding Taylor Swift to every pop artist’s station. :/

  10. Em February 14, 2010 at 12:59 am #

    This is sooooooo stupid I love all of those people but the Hilton guy nd they r not ugly!

  11. Em February 14, 2010 at 1:03 am #

    I loveeee Justin b nd his songs also taylor swift!
    Nd lady gaga

  12. abidan February 17, 2010 at 8:28 am #

    lov dis post man
    Perez Hilton is most funny allover 10

  13. heylovepeace February 20, 2010 at 2:35 pm #

    Ohh Dearr you sad person :L

  14. ummmmheyyyy February 20, 2010 at 4:34 pm #

    The only thing that’s sad here is your epic fail DIY emoticon

  15. C-Tho February 28, 2010 at 7:43 am #

    justin b is a little douche just like the jonas brothers and all the other little kids trying to sing with their cracking voices

  16. JERSSICUHH:]] March 1, 2010 at 2:41 am #

    Haha; go build a tent-fort. Not gonna lie;; but thats pretty genius.

  17. ummmmheyyyy March 1, 2010 at 4:00 pm #

    @C-Tho.. not gonna lie, I definitely have been listening to far too much of The Beibs lately. His voice is beautiful. hah. (serious)

  18. rosa March 6, 2010 at 12:39 am #

    no lie but justin b is sexy n mario lopez has cute dimples.gaga is not annoying ,but that gay dude yessssssss,your right that talor girl sould close her mouth more.your right about ed w n that ugly a** b**** miley.megan fox is not annoying.your also right about tat heidi m n spencer pratt.that all i ve got to say ohh yeah xd:} “=’ :_:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  19. Aya Bara March 8, 2010 at 1:44 am #

    Agree with your post. Find it hysterical, too. Cited you in one of my own posts. Hope that’s okay! (www.theworldaccordingtoaya.blogspot.com)

  20. ummmmheyyyy March 9, 2010 at 6:03 am #

    I’m so flattered haha !

  21. Aya Bara March 9, 2010 at 1:51 pm #

    Copying reply to your comment from my blog:
    (In reference to how I could tell which one was The Biebs) I’ll admit that it was hard…I mean, two equally adorable little kids. Makes me feel old…. And no, I haven’t WordPress-stalked you, but I HAVE read a few of your posts. Love your writing style.

  22. ummmmheyyyy March 9, 2010 at 4:59 pm #


  23. Jerrsicuhh March 10, 2010 at 3:34 am #

    Hey;; Don’t diss on the Bangable Bieber:]]

  24. rabbit cages for sale March 13, 2010 at 5:54 pm #

    O.k i’m almost done commenting on your blog for the day my fingers are going numb and my eyes are going fuzzy! Time for some sleep! night all.

  25. Anominuss March 16, 2010 at 7:08 am #

    Justin biebers the best u twallop

  26. destiny March 21, 2010 at 6:20 am #

    wow your such a critic. im just wondering how you look bc you better look real good, bc FWI justin bieber is freaking hot, taylor swift is pretty and mario lopez is absolutely charming. ur opinions suck and they arent very nice, keep them to yourself

  27. ummmmheyyyy March 23, 2010 at 8:46 pm #

    Oh I agree, cleverly-spelled Person without a Name. Following the writing of this blog, I downloaded Bieber’s full album, which for days I could not stop listening to. I think that intially the sight of a 12 year old singing about love on MTV just creeped me out. But I really recommend the song “First Dance” for a good laugh (specifically when he croons that there “ain’t no chaperones” at his school dance)

  28. Michael March 23, 2010 at 10:51 pm #

    No chaperones…whoa…it’s “all the bitches I want, cops can’t touch me” for Justin Bieber at that school dance.

    Why do you always speak out on such controversial topics? Next you’ll be posting on how the vampire dude is hotter than the werewolf dude in Twilight, which clearly he is not.

  29. ummmmheyyyy March 24, 2010 at 1:13 am #

    I’ve boycotted Twilight ever since I went to the movies on Twilight-night and all the preteen girls went apeshit over my ex because he apparently had Edward-esque hair. Ugh.

    For you Michael, my next post will be about the new healthcare bill. How about that.

  30. ummmmheyyyy March 24, 2010 at 1:17 am #

    @Destiny / AirDestiny@swbell.net, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. For instance, your email is gay.

  31. melina January 18, 2012 at 6:42 am #

    Hilarious. I agree with everyone on the list. ESPECIALLY Taylor Swift. But i would have added Jane krakowski Jamie Lynn siegler and raven symone.

  32. reality star May 23, 2012 at 1:15 am #

    my vote goes for the whole big bang theory cast

  33. N February 25, 2013 at 2:29 am #

    Oh,and Justin bieber…*sigh* Canada is really embarrassed about that one.

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