10 of the Most Annoying Faces

10. Mario Lopez

• Dimples. When a person has dimples, there is an inverse relationship of cuteness to frequency of smiling. The more frequently a person with dimples smiles, the less cute they appear. Other than the time A.C. Slater and Zach Morris fought, I don’t remember ever seeing Mario Lopez frown. Hence, a cute level of 0.
• Perpetual tan. I’m Irish. You’re just making me jealous.

9. Perez Hilton

• Unkempt eyebrows. You’re gay, you’re supposed to have that shit covered.
• Falsies. Blue eyes are reserved for people that are intriguing and smart. Like me. You’re neither. Henceforth, those must be contacts.
• Ironic smile. I’ll see your poor self-esteem and raise you a past unhealthy relationship with food.

8. Megan Fox

• DSL
• Dead eyes. Mostly affecting people with no intellect or talents. Don’t believe me? Go rent the Olsen Twins’ Holiday in the Sun and Lindsay Lohan’s Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen to see the real depth that Ms. Fox has put into her roles.

7. & 6. Heidi Montag (Pratt?) and Spencer Pratt

• The blond beard and ‘stache. Not cute on anyone.
• The wonders of science. Thank goodness for scientific discoveries. Without them, Heidi’s face, hair, and body as we know it wouldn’t exist.

5. Miley Cyrus

• Self-explanatory

4. Ed Westwick

• Nostrils. Do those things ever settle down?
• Cheekbones crafted from the finest marble
• Hair that’s better than mine

3. Justin Bieber

• Baby face. Stop singing about girls and go build a tent-fort.

2. Lady Gaga

• …Nothing exceptional going on here. Which must explain the ridiculous outfits they put you in.

1. Taylor Swift

• Squinty eyes
• Weird teeth
• “Angry” eyebrows
• Lips. Can you close them?!
• Overall alien-resemblance

And there you have it. A thoroughly-researched, comprehensive list of today’s most annoying faces. I hope I haven’t hurt too many of your feelings, Interneters. Be gentle.