Tag Archives: youtube

10 Things No One Gave a Shit About in 2010

28 Dec

What with the BP disaster, Chilean miners, Wikileaks, the Craigslist Killer Lifetime Movie and everything else that was important in 2010 getting a second wind of exposure, I’ve decided to put out my own list of Top 10 in 2010. It’s time to shine a light on those things that had no influence over anyone in 2010.

10. Poor hamburger phone connectivity

hamburger phone

I’m tired of all these wireless providers getting all the attention. I’m having a serious hamburger phone connectivity issue here! I can’t make outgoing calls, I can’t get incoming calls, and anytime I hear dialtone it sounds like an orca whale and a fire alarm are mating on the other end of the line. I do not appreciate prank calls, Hamburger Phone Network! If you had a Twitter account, I would not hesitate to Direct Message the shit out of your interns!

9. Rhett Akers’ basement videos

Rhett Akers is on the fast track to Internet Stardom with his Youtube videos, filmed in what appears to be the basement apartment of his parents’ house. And there’s more where that came from, ladies — follow @RhettAkers on Twitter for some more guitar/shirtless action! Red hot!

*If you’re insinuating that I found Rhett Candy by chance today, you are correct

8. Maatia Toafa is elected Prime Minister of Tuvalu

I know what you’re thinking. Tuvalu? Why didn’t this make headlines?!! Well, it’s likely that the news was slightly overshadowed by the record-setting billion-dollar campaign ad expenditures on the other side of the world.

7. Knitting with Dog Hair trend takes off

knitting with dog hair
Meredith Biggelsworth and son

Largely spurred by the 1997 publication of Knitting with Dog Hair: Better a Sweater from a Dog You Know Than from a Sheep You’ll Never Meet, the knitting with dog hair trend reached a pivotal point in 2010, with one final influx of midwestern stay-at-home-moms to the Internet. It was a historical day for the cult phenomenon when on November 23, 2010, 7 total pictures were uploaded to Twitter since 1997.* Says Anne Montgomery, author of KWDH,

“Buster passed on January 12, 1994. It was a painful time for me, as it was right after the holidays and I was also going through a separation period from my now ex-husband. I looked around the house and the solution was right there in front of me. I gathered up Buster’s fur, picked up my knitting needles, and began working away. Now I can have Buster close to my heart whenever I need him.”

Montgomery is currently working on a guide to making jewelry out of hamster feces.

*Source: Twitter Trends

6. How many times I wore these socks

socks

To estimate the number of times I wore these socks in 2010, I will multiply their level of softness by the approximate coldness of my apartment floor, divided by the number of pairs of other socks that I own, minus two days (days I have owned these equally warm slippers, thanks Mom), equals 17.6. I think it’s safe to say that they’ve paid for themselves!

5. It became okay to abort a twin

zach and codyWhat would the world be like if selective reduction had been around for the first trimester of Zach and Cody?* I do not care to imagine such a dark place… I remember exactly where I was when I read the editorial about selective reduction in the back of Elle Magazine. I don’t even know why I began reading the story, I tend to ignore all text in that magazine because it’s usually nonsense written by girls who have cotton balls for brains. Anyway. It was a story about a woman that found out she was pregnant with twins, and was considering the option of aborting one of them. Spoiler alert: she goes for it. Now, I’m fairly open-minded and have a range of liberal views (if you get my gist), but I was shocked, disgusted, and frankly, scared when I reached the end of the story. Regardless of what a parent may say, one way or another, the kid is going to grow up and find out that they should have had a brother or sister. Cue emotional destruction, stage one. What’s weird is that selective reduction is nothing new, the procedure was developed in the 1980s, but it’s becoming more popular. I give it 10 years to further unfold into a Brave New World dystopian scenario.

*It was around, just not popular yet.

4. Spanky resurfaces

spankyRemember the 90s Little Rascals movie, and that kid Spanky who was soooo cute? … That is all.

3. I slept with a bunny

bunny

2. MOBA acquires its newest piece

bad art

Hollywood Lips is about one woman’s inner battle between light and dark, partially owed to the fact that she resembles a palm tree and has weird, angry eyes. Kids can be cruel.

1. This roll of tape ran out

tape

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Live and let live.

18 Sep

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that I’d stab this hipster in the genitals

WORLD PREMIER: Building 19 Commercial

2 Aug

building 19

In case you missed it during the season 2 premier of MTV’s Jersey Shore, now you can watch the new Building 19® commercial on YouTube, a Girls with Guns ProductionGirls with Guns is a production company that produces local commercials for such mom-and-pop stores as “Walmart, Inc.” and “The Burger King.”

Want to be FIRST to hear about new Girls with Guns commercials? Want to see our portfolio of past work; the stuff that got us where we are today?

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Funniest Stuff on the Internet

19 Apr

I just got rejected from Zach Galifianakis on Facebook. Let me be more specific in saying that Facebook auto-replied my friend request by saying “This user has too many friends.” Well that settles that. I was really looking forward to reading his status updates about being in the “Chipped mirror department” at an auto repair shop in India.

The sad part is that I had put a lot of effort into my friend request message. It read something like this:

“Hi Zach. Seeing you carry an extra-large martini glass while in a bee hive wig in Tim and Eric’s Vokda Movies is probably one of the most memorable YouTube moments of 2009. Maybe even more memorable than watching that fat Avatar fan paint her face blue.”

And then I got rejected. But I started to think more about more about the YouTube videos that I come back to again and again, especially on days that decide to take the scenic route down Highway Awful. And why stop at YouTube videos? There are plenty of things on the web that my friends and I have watched religiously, and for lack of original material have quoted time and again. So I’ve decided to share with you my list of the funniest stuff on the Internet.

1. Drinking out of Cups. Guy takes acid then sits in the closet and gets recorded by his friend.

2. FU Penguin. “CHICKENS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO COCAINE…”

3. Worst Commercial Ever. Obviously fake due to the “Boston Proper” comment but still absolutely ridiculous.

4. Like a Boss Button. Thinking about the mile-long list of tedious, unnecessary work tasks ahead of you? Hit this button after you finish each one. Or watch Like a Boss on Youtube. Last semester I’d walk to my most hated business classes listening to this and it really got me amped up for 55 minutes of human resources.

5. FIRST! My best friend found this one back in the day. “Am I doing Satan’s work? Yes.”

6. Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! If you’re unfamiliar with Tim and Eric videos, I highly recommend watching Prices (oh, lay an egg) or The Snuggler featuring Zach Galifianakis.

7. Awkward Family Photos.

Submit your own, TODAY.

What are some of your favorites?

A Day at the Brain Doctor’s Office

23 Mar

Yesterday, me and my pal Restless Leg Syndrome climbed into the car and dropped in for a visit to my doctor at South Shore Neurology.

Walking into the waiting room at 851 Main Street is an enjoyable experience which I look forward to every six months. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I wish I could be Michael Keaton in Multiplicity and go shopping while my clone is left to leaf through a decaying People Magazine for a couple of hours. Despite the waiting, people-watching in a neurologist’s waiting room is fun. There are cute old people accompanied by their younger handlers, attempting to keep the flighty wanderings in check with inconsistent success. There are middle-aged, be-lipsticked working women impatiently bobbing their high-heeled feet. Yesterday there appeared to be a couple of divorcées on their 4th date, evident by the liberal laughter in response to the man’s second-rate jokes, and the absence of a goodbye kiss as the woman departed to get her brain checked out. But the most fun in people-watching at 851 Main Street comes via my vivid yet drastic imagination. It’s kind of a pleasure to imagine the crazy nonsense that is occurring behind each of my fellow patients’ skulls.

Old Mr. Pennyloafers to my left is undergoing the first stages of dementia. Somewhere in his brain, a group of synapses are munching on York Peppermint Patties while watching reruns of The Price is Right. Meanwhile Mr. Pennyloafers’ daughter, Elise, is downloading an iPhone app that will estimate the value of her father’s estate for when he croaks in oh, 2, 3 years. Across from me, Sharon Gladstone-Perry and her migraines might find relief in a new drug heavily promoted by Redbook. As for the lovers in the corner, Amy has decided to save her tidbit about narcolepsy for a later date in the relationship.

The nurse calls my name. I am led down a hallway to a familiar room which, though the building was built only ten years ago, still appears to be from the seventies. Leather-bound books with titles such as “Restless Leg Syndrome and You” and (in excessively large and visible lettering) “DEMENTIA,” line the walls. I settle into a chair and become entranced by a paperweight on my doctor’s desk. Is it very windy in this part of the building? At one point in the day does my doctor desperately scan his desk for something of just the right size that will secure flyaway papers to his desk, something other than the equally heavy stapler and book that are also within reach? At this time Dr. Herman enters the room and we exchange hello’s.

The conversation gets a bit off track with a discussion about the pitfalls of German cuisine. Such is the manner of Dr. Herman; our last visit was mainly about the two Canadian DJs who prank called Sarah Palin, peppered with a bit of discussion about my RLS. (For a man of sixty, my doctor really knows his way around YouTube.) He recommends Berlin for my upcoming Eurotrip, we advance to the screening room for a more comprehensive version of the sobriety test, and then it’s back to his office for the icing on the cake.

This is the part where Dr. Herman dictates a letter to my primary care physician into a tape recorder, which I assume is later typed up by some unfortunate medical assistant. I am still unsure as to why my presence is necessary for this portion of the visit, but I enjoy it nonetheless. As a man of sixty, Dr. Herman has probably been doing this tape-recording-shindig for decades. And at one point in time it was probably a cutting-edge technology. Dr. Herman begins. After every sentence, he says “STOP.” It sounds very official and I can perfectly visualize said unfortunate medical assistant rolling her eyes. Last is the update on my vitals. This is the part where Dr. Herman strings words and numbers together into a mess of gibberish. If you asked me if he were describing a 22 year-old girl or the approximate size and weight of a lawn chair, I would not be able to tell you. Click. He stands up, we say our goodbyes and I find myself once again in the waiting room.

As I make an appointment with the receptionist for 6 months in advance, I am saddened by the fact that I may have to cancel. (I’m aiming to flee Massachusetts for a warmer climate and better job market come Fall). My only hope is that Dr. Herman can refer me to a doctor’s office that is just as much fun as 851 Main Street.

MS Paint Tutorial on YouTube

28 Dec

Here’s a new video my friend Megan and I made. It’s an MS Paint tutorial. Hope you enjoy!

Girls With Guns Productions ftw

We Like to Prank Call too

8 Dec

Call me immature if you wish, but sometimes I just love a good prank phone call with my best friend. This one’s just me, but the next blog I post will be my best friend calling CVS about some inappropriate photos. Enjoy!

“Hey Black Person, Buy Our Shit”

1 Dec

I love advertising that targets minorities. I was picking up some veggie burgers in my local grocery store today (I was told they didn’t order any so they could fit all the turkeys in the freezer — fail) when I spotted this exact display of Little Debbie snacks:

 

Racist?

Note the very top of the display case, where two (black) people are ‘just chillin, son’ next to the Little Debbie logo. Also note the jumping (black) man, which is clearly an allusion to basketball players. Who are black. I guess in order to be good at basketball, you have to buy 1200-calorie Little Debbie cream pies. Healthy.

I’m sure you’ve noticed that the McDonald’s ads of today no longer target little kids with Ronald McDonald. Instead of a clown, their new mascot is the twenty-something black man or woman. And the settings for their commercials are almost always in urban locations. I’m lovin it. They even have a website for black people. I wish they would make ad targeting mid-Western white people. But it would probably would be boring and not have any of that funky hip-hop in the background.

There’s a good quote from this ad for KGB, some crappy 99-cent mobile phone Wikipedia-esque thing, below this screenshot…

“Oh No you bett’ not be putting no yak up in MAH weave”

Furthermore, American Apparel targets easy girls, Alex and Chloe targets dirty skinny hipsters, and Apple targets people who have to buy their individuality:

 

Blech

 

 

 

Happy Holidays from the Christmas Tree Shoppes! (ish)

27 Nov

My friends and I made another movie in the holiday spirit. It’s pretty much a sequel to last summer’s Welcome to Walmart. Enjoy!

Happy holidays from Girls with Guns Productions!

“Demain, le Bubblegum pour tout!”

2 Oct

“A very hard word. MASSACHUSETTS!”

I’ve dreamt about visiting Paris since January of seventh grade, when my foreign language teacher stopped teaching us Spanish (hated it) and began teaching French. She pulled down a map of the country and pointed out les Alpes, le Seine, and le big yellow star which was Paris. The first French word I learned: le crayon. French for pencil, in case you didn’t know.

louvre-museum-picture

In my third year of college, I signed up for an extra class to brush up on my conversational French. I planned to spend that spring’s semester in Paris. Two weeks into the class I realized only one class at a French university would apply towards my degree… It didn’t make sense.

I’m 22 and I’m still dreaming about walking up to the giant glass pyramid in front of the Louvre. I want to see the city as the Impressionist painters saw it (and I’m sure if I take out my contacts I very well could). I want to nibble on a croissant in a cafe like Gene Kelly did in An American in Paris (disregarding the fact that it was a cafe inside a Hollywood movie studio). I want to think fondly of my cute old high school French teacher and hum “Aux Champs-Elysees” as I walk down l’Avenue. I want to look up at the Eiffel Tower and imagine I am Sarah Jessica Parker except NOT sad about being away from my closest friends. Really, I just want to walk down the adorable little streets and hear people speaking that intoxicating language and see them going about their fabulous European-Union daily lives.

Paris_Street_on_a_Rainy_Day,_1877,_Gustave_Caillebotte

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