Tag Archives: weird

Being Paul Giamatti

9 Aug paul giamatti movie

Due to being unemployed, I’ve been sleeping in and experiencing really strange dreams. They’re the type of dreams that, crusty-eyed and trying to stagger past the small diapered child who follows me around — I’m renting a room from a family that has 3 kids — its exactly what you imagine it to be — I silently pat myself on the back for being capable of such weird yet coherent dreams.

In my latest dream, Paul Giamatti is starring in a movie in which he’s cunning and quick enough to escape the clutches of two faceless cops. I say “movie” because I was somehow aware during the dream that I was inside of a movie, and after the last scene ended, my brain told me to wake up.

paul giamatti movie

About halfway through the movie, I became Paul Giamatti. In one “scene” I shimmied on my stomach through a small, long wooden area. I looked down and saw, through the slats, that my two nemeses were also sliding on their stomachs below me, trying to catch up. There were meaningful glances and sweating.

We emerged all at the same time. I ran to a car and the next scene was all about driving around a parking lot trying to escape bullets and trying to not hit anyone in my way. I hit a lot of cars and knocked a lot of stuff over, but knew the audience would be all “Ohhhh, no he didn’t! Ahhh but I guess it’s okay, he needs to escape for the greater good.” I think I overestimate the emotions of my audience. Generally when I watch a high-intensity scene in an action movie, I end up thinking “ooh, who’s going to fix that bridge?” or “that was a lot of shrapnel, I hope that the resulting wounds of passerby do not cause someone to need to cross the bridge to get to the hospital, because they will likely bleed to death or drown trying to cross that river.”

Thoughts on Blake becoming the next Batman in the Dark Knight Rises

But I got caught. The two cops took me to the top of a grassy hill, where my entire extended family sat on picnic tables underneath a patio tent, eating peanut butter sandwiches. The cop that was escorting me opened the flap of the tent, and then somehow I escaped. Then I became Director again, and watched as Paul Giamatti got into a car, waved, and drove away on the dusty road. Then I woke up.

Looking back, it looks like my dream involved:

  • Paul Giamatti
  • parking lot
  • police
  • peanut butter
  • patio
  • picnic table

I’m not quite sure what that signifies. Maybe I should just stop watching Lost before going to sleep.

CASTING CALL for Average/Disappointing Bodies

28 Jul

CASTING CALL — Males & Female Models ALL AGES — $200 to $1000/day (Burlington)

Date: 2010-07-25, 3:08PM PDT

Reply to: job-swjp-1979722@craigslist.org

We are a camping supply website seeking fresh faces to model our new product line.
Must have photogenic facial features; ‘average’ or ‘disappointing’ body is okay**
No experience necessary, please email two or more headshots to info@vtarmynavy.com
Examples of past model work wearing our past styles are below
**We also have opportunities for ‘somewhat presentable’ bodies; please scroll down**

awkward family

The "Questionable Relationship"

awkward

The "Ninja"

emo kid

The "Zoloft 125 mg"

awkward couple

The "Contraceptive"

the unborn

The "Unborn"

apocalypse

The "Apocalypse"

one time in college

The "No One Hears About this at the Office, Ken, I Mean No One"

Or perhaps you think you think you have what it takes to be a poncho model. If so, please send us two or more body shots in addition to your two or more headshots ****PLEASE NO NUDITY, WE ARE A FAMILY COMPANY****

Examples of past poncho model work is below

the handlebar hero

The "Handlebar Hero"

the mean streets

The "Mean Streets of Burlington Vermont"

ridiculous

The "Ruthless Shoveler -What Is That Guy Doing with the Flashlight"

funny

The "Door-to-door TV Salesman"

the kute kid kape

The "Kute Kid Kape (KKK)"

gigolo

The "Gigolo"

ugly jacket

The "Lunchroom Target"

  • Compensation: $200 to $1000 for the day. Shoot compensation to be negotiated.
  • Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
  • Please, no phone calls about this job!
  • Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

									

Space Travel Price Quotes

26 Jul

If you’re reading this, and you know who you are, it would be a mutually beneficial move on your part to hire me. Because really, who else would offer space travel price quotes on their website?

space travel

Just sayin’.

Hannah Mantana: THE MOVIE

30 Mar

Here is the preview* for the comedy short that my friends and I made for Campus Moviefest:

*Sorry it’s not the whole thing – but we need everyone we can to come see our movie (and then vote for it to win) at Campus Moviefest.

Wednesday April 22nd – Bridgewater State College – Campus Center – 7:30pm

FREE

If we win we get to go to NYC for Regionals & win some siqq prizes!! HELP A SISTA OUT, YA? I officially invite you.

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