Tag Archives: ridiculous

CASTING CALL for Average/Disappointing Bodies

28 Jul

CASTING CALL — Males & Female Models ALL AGES — $200 to $1000/day (Burlington)

Date: 2010-07-25, 3:08PM PDT

Reply to: job-swjp-1979722@craigslist.org

We are a camping supply website seeking fresh faces to model our new product line.
Must have photogenic facial features; ‘average’ or ‘disappointing’ body is okay**
No experience necessary, please email two or more headshots to info@vtarmynavy.com
Examples of past model work wearing our past styles are below
**We also have opportunities for ‘somewhat presentable’ bodies; please scroll down**

awkward family

The "Questionable Relationship"


The "Ninja"

emo kid

The "Zoloft 125 mg"

awkward couple

The "Contraceptive"

the unborn

The "Unborn"


The "Apocalypse"

one time in college

The "No One Hears About this at the Office, Ken, I Mean No One"

Or perhaps you think you think you have what it takes to be a poncho model. If so, please send us two or more body shots in addition to your two or more headshots ****PLEASE NO NUDITY, WE ARE A FAMILY COMPANY****

Examples of past poncho model work is below

the handlebar hero

The "Handlebar Hero"

the mean streets

The "Mean Streets of Burlington Vermont"


The "Ruthless Shoveler -What Is That Guy Doing with the Flashlight"


The "Door-to-door TV Salesman"

the kute kid kape

The "Kute Kid Kape (KKK)"


The "Gigolo"

ugly jacket

The "Lunchroom Target"

  • Compensation: $200 to $1000 for the day. Shoot compensation to be negotiated.
  • Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
  • Please, no phone calls about this job!
  • Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.


Space Travel Price Quotes

26 Jul

If you’re reading this, and you know who you are, it would be a mutually beneficial move on your part to hire me. Because really, who else would offer space travel price quotes on their website?

space travel

Just sayin’.

Now that’s just not nice.

25 Feb

I have some very exciting news! For a few months now, I’ve been working on a groundbreaking invention that will make using the Internet like it never was before. With this new website interface, the possibilities are endless. The economy will be spurred by it, new industries will arise from it, and millions of companies worldwide, profit and non, will benefit from its vast reach. And the best part is, no one has EVER done ANYTHING like it before.

Here is a sneak peak at what I have been working on. Please keep it under wraps:


It’s easy to steal shit.

Especially online. So, either this doucher had an epiphany 5 months after I had mine, or something’s on the stove and it smells like plagiarism. Internet-style. And peppered with awkwardly-formed, haphazard words. Oh, it’s fine “Caleb Jones,” I hate you and your pixellated header too.

Plane Crashes Into IRS Office in Austin, Texas

18 Feb

Being that it is tax season and the aircraft was a small one-man plane, if you do not see the irony in this you need to be


Apparently the guy had tax problems and thought that the best possible way to end his financial troubles was to set his house on fire and fly his airplane into a government building. Please note that I will be forced to abandon all prior commitments when the poster-boy of logic and reasoning, Mr. Joe Stack, appears as a guest on The Colbert Report. You can Become a Fan of Joe Stack here.

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