Tag Archives: politics

I have no problem with Rich Kids of Instagram

18 Aug

rich kids of instagram in front of mansion

Rich Kids of Instagram. I found out about this Tumblr on my Facebook newsfeed the other day, posted by one person who didn’t have anything to say about it, and another who commented with “Class warfare.. it’s real.”

Barf.

So what’s the media saying about the Rich Kids of Instagram?

I think there was a shortage of fear-mongering social media news stories this week, so TODAY Moms had to spin this Tumblr blog into a public service announcement for “keeping kids safe on the Internet.” Just to add to the stack of 5,345,320,220 other articles that have been written about it since the dawn of AOL under 13 chat rooms.

The Atlantic nailed it by saying that we’re ALL narcissistic assholes on social media, so please, stop pointing fingers at the trust fund kids. They just want to have fun. And post high exposure pictures about it.

CNN quoted this guy as being representative of “disgust and anger”:

when I actually see it as a socially acceptable statement interrupted by an abrupt admission of envy. A+ for honesty!

People, people. We all saw the movie Blank Check in the 90s. Or at least I’m going to assume you did.

blank check 90s movie

This was a movie about an 11 year-old kid who got a blank check in the mail from his senile grandma, told his parents, and they told him to write in $5 or something lame like that. …..Parents. Shortly after, the kid somehow comes upon another blank check and this time around has learned that factoring parents into the equation = no fun. So he fills in “$1,000,000,” takes it to the bank, and cashes it. Then he buys a mansion and fills it up with 1,000 gigantic inflatable pool toys and race cars and such. He swims in cash; that’s all I remember about the movie, other than that he probably got caught in the end and gave back all the money.

And you LOVED that movie as a kid, didn’t you? Don’t deny it.

When that skinny 11 year old kid told his butler to get him another chocolate milk from the seat of his Star Trek inflatable captain’s chair in his in-ground pool, you were dying inside. Because you knew you’d be going to sleep tonight in your ordinary middle-class bunk bed and not a gold-plated race car. You hated your parents for not having offshore accounts and make up for their 80-hour workweeks by buying you tons of awesome shit.

You might hate to admit it, but you haven’t changed much since then. Sure, you might be “the 99%”, Democrat-registered, and owner of a minivan in a small suburb south of the city, but let’s get serious. If a couple million dollars suddenly appeared on your doorstep, you’d have no problem Tweeting about it. Same reason you expect a bonus each year in your paycheck, along with a raise. Everyone’s pursuing their own American Dream, give or take a few zero’s. Just sayin.

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Dear Mom, I’m doing just fine in Colorado without a gun

7 Aug

“You hear what happened in Colorado, at that movie theater?” The carpenter working on my Mom’s house stood there looking at me and dangling his paint-smattered hammer.

I said I did, then internally questioned whether I looked like the type of person to ignore national news in favor of reading People Magazine. Probably my hair. Anyway, we were standing in the middle of the living room with my Mom. She had just told the carpenter that I was leaving today, making the move from Boston to Colorado for a change of scenery that I’ve thought about making for a long time.

massachusetts

This is the state of Massachusetts, or as I like to call it “the state that beckons Europe to come get in the van to play with its puppy”

“Let me tell you,” he started, planting his feet apart on the paper-covered wood floor. “Those shootings never would have happened if there were tighter gun laws in this country. It’s ridiculous! Any Joe can go down to Walmart and pick himself up a [insert gun name here — frankly I don’t remember what type of gun he was referring to but I remember using Context Clues to understand that he was talking about a gun].”

I could see that he wanted me to agree with him, because that’s what people on vague/poorly researched political tangents want you to do.

Image

Instead I decided to say what I was thinking.

“I don’t think gun laws would have stopped him, I think he’s just crazy. If he didn’t have guns he probably would have found out some other way to kill a bunch of people.”

The guy had that glassy-eyed, far-off, ‘the-government-is-screwing-us-those-sons-of-bitches’ look that I’ve grown accustomed to as a child of a giant, Irish, middle class family. I knew that face well, and there was no way to reason with it.

Later, I said goodbye to my hair elastic-obsessed cat Ponyo and filled up my water bottle in the kitchen sink. My Mom and I hugged and walked out the door, said a 20-minute goodbye in which she scheduled me to come back for New Year’s, then I had to run inside to get a banana I had left on the kitchen counter.

I bumped into the carpenter in the kitchen. “You know what you need to do?” he said. “Buy a gun.”

I laughed. Then straightened my face because he was serious. “Are you serious? Why?”

“Colorado isn’t like it is here. You go hiking, there are mountain lions and black bears everywhere in those mountains. You need to protect yourself. I’m telling you, buy a gun. And you never know what type of situation you might get into out there when you’re all alone and female.”Image

I said I’d think about it, and silently appreciated his flexibility concerning gun laws, which apparently should be adapted to different situations.

Looking back, I now realize that the carpenter had painted my Mom a beautiful picture of me being ripped to shreds by wolverines and velociraptors after I innocently decided to hike up a mountain without a gun. Or getting beaten up in a dark alley somewhere, gun-less, and crying out “WHY DIDN’T I LISTEN TO HIMMMM!”

Just to let you know, Mom, the most intimidating animal I’ve seen so far out here while hiking has been a chipmunk with no concept of personal space. At one point he did try to bite my toe, but I came down the mountain unscathed. And yesterday, something bit my right ankle. I’ll admit, after I got bitten I spent the next half hour waiting for the spider/rattlesnake’s poison to travel up to my heart and paralyze me. But it ended up being a red ant bite (so someone told me). You can tell the carpenter that I’m doing just fine without a gun.

chipmunk eating

Plane Crashes Into IRS Office in Austin, Texas

18 Feb

Being that it is tax season and the aircraft was a small one-man plane, if you do not see the irony in this you need to be

SHOT

Apparently the guy had tax problems and thought that the best possible way to end his financial troubles was to set his house on fire and fly his airplane into a government building. Please note that I will be forced to abandon all prior commitments when the poster-boy of logic and reasoning, Mr. Joe Stack, appears as a guest on The Colbert Report. You can Become a Fan of Joe Stack here.

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