Tag Archives: comedy

WORLD PREMIER: Building 19 Commercial

2 Aug

building 19

In case you missed it during the season 2 premier of MTV’s Jersey Shore, now you can watch the new Building 19® commercial on YouTube, a Girls with Guns ProductionGirls with Guns is a production company that produces local commercials for such mom-and-pop stores as “Walmart, Inc.” and “The Burger King.”

Want to be FIRST to hear about new Girls with Guns commercials? Want to see our portfolio of past work; the stuff that got us where we are today?

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The Budding Career of a Professional Greeting Card Writer

15 Jul

My parents are trying to sell our house. I know this because A) I found The Idiot’s Guide to Buying and Selling a Home in our living room and B) turning up all over the house are things from the past — things that have spent years gathering dust in corners and closets underneath stacks of old National Geographic magazines. This means that they must have already read Chapter 8: How to Get Rid of all the S–t You Accumulated over the Past Twenty Years. I was looking for a stamp today when I came across a ziplock bag filled with a snapshot of my childhood. Here’s what I found.

Rejected Hallmark Applicant: The Complete Works

All signed by me.

Which led me to the shocking conclusion… As a kid, I wanted to be a professional greeting card writer. For some reason I repressed this memory — I remember always wanting to be A Writer as a kid. Which is, still, far less cool than wanting to be, oh a firefighter or professional soccer player, you know, something unattainable for the average person but at least it sounded cool during recess. On second thought, maybe I repressed the memory after everyone laughed at me during recess.

Anyway, here’s your chance to be floored by the budding career of an aspiring professional greeting card writer.

slumber party

get well soon

Get well soon — Feel free to wipe your germ-infested boogers on this card

hallmark applicant 2

Congradulations on your recent marriage!! Your ex-wives from your last three marriages sent these razor-edged pinwheels in honor of your newest matrimony

[Inside]:

awkward family

Wishing you all the happiness that life has to offer to two people with a bastard blonde child; why do you think we picked out a card with a bride in a yellow wedding dress? That dirty whore you’re marrying obviously isn’t fit for a white one and you’re too busy giving mustache rides to Wendy’s employees to know the difference

fun

[Inside]:

Nope, I’ve had funner

And two postcards:
postcards

Hello! from Hallucinating Rainbow Island, Tennessee and Bad Acid Trip Shards of Glass Raining from the Chicken Pox Clouds, Minnesota

Funniest Stuff on the Internet

19 Apr

I just got rejected from Zach Galifianakis on Facebook. Let me be more specific in saying that Facebook auto-replied my friend request by saying “This user has too many friends.” Well that settles that. I was really looking forward to reading his status updates about being in the “Chipped mirror department” at an auto repair shop in India.

The sad part is that I had put a lot of effort into my friend request message. It read something like this:

“Hi Zach. Seeing you carry an extra-large martini glass while in a bee hive wig in Tim and Eric’s Vokda Movies is probably one of the most memorable YouTube moments of 2009. Maybe even more memorable than watching that fat Avatar fan paint her face blue.”

And then I got rejected. But I started to think more about more about the YouTube videos that I come back to again and again, especially on days that decide to take the scenic route down Highway Awful. And why stop at YouTube videos? There are plenty of things on the web that my friends and I have watched religiously, and for lack of original material have quoted time and again. So I’ve decided to share with you my list of the funniest stuff on the Internet.

1. Drinking out of Cups. Guy takes acid then sits in the closet and gets recorded by his friend.

2. FU Penguin. “CHICKENS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO COCAINE…”

3. Worst Commercial Ever. Obviously fake due to the “Boston Proper” comment but still absolutely ridiculous.

4. Like a Boss Button. Thinking about the mile-long list of tedious, unnecessary work tasks ahead of you? Hit this button after you finish each one. Or watch Like a Boss on Youtube. Last semester I’d walk to my most hated business classes listening to this and it really got me amped up for 55 minutes of human resources.

5. FIRST! My best friend found this one back in the day. “Am I doing Satan’s work? Yes.”

6. Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! If you’re unfamiliar with Tim and Eric videos, I highly recommend watching Prices (oh, lay an egg) or The Snuggler featuring Zach Galifianakis.

7. Awkward Family Photos.

Submit your own, TODAY.

What are some of your favorites?

The Apple iPad Parody

27 Jan

If the news hasn’t already been shoved down your throat yet — Apple just released its new tablet PC today. Here’s what immediately came to mind after hearing the name “iPad” for the first time:

Image by me. If you repost this image, please give credit where credit is due (Me, Samantha, at ummmmheyyyy.wordpress.com.) Better yet, why not just copy the whole link to share my blog with your friends and loved ones?

We Like to Prank Call too

8 Dec

Call me immature if you wish, but sometimes I just love a good prank phone call with my best friend. This one’s just me, but the next blog I post will be my best friend calling CVS about some inappropriate photos. Enjoy!

Happy Holidays from the Christmas Tree Shoppes! (ish)

27 Nov

My friends and I made another movie in the holiday spirit. It’s pretty much a sequel to last summer’s Welcome to Walmart. Enjoy!

Happy holidays from Girls with Guns Productions!

Travelocity Gnome Feels Recession Too

20 Jun

Travelocity

Hi there! I’m the Travelocity gnome. You’ve probably seen me on the telly as the spokesgnome for cheap getaways to faraway places. Today I’m here at a store called Big Lots in Greenville, North Carolina for a family reunion. You see, even travel industry spokescharacters are feeling the wrath of the recession. No more jet-setting to Spain for this guy!

Please kill me.

COME ON DOWN to Walmart!

7 May

My friends and I recently filmed this local commercial for a Mom-and-Pop store called Walmart. (You probably haven’t heard of it.) Enjoy our exaggerated Boston accents!

What do you think?

Hannah Mantana: The Major Motion Picture

2 May

Here’s the full 5-minute comedy my friends and I made for Campus Moviefest. We won the AT&T mobile phone award (for using their phone in the movie in a creative way) and they’re showing our movie this weekend at an awards show in NYC.

Hannah Mantana: THE MOVIE

My plans for this weekend? Filming a local-style commercial at Walmart w/ my girls Megan and Katie. (“Welcome ta Walmaht, here we have ill-fitting clothes and Rubbermaid containers” etc).

Yours forever,
Samantha

My Brief Stint at Boston University

30 Apr

!ATTENTION PROSPECTIVE HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS!

For the LOW LOW PRICE of $1000 a month, Boston University is NOW OFFERING housing at Warren Towers complete with–

  • !!!A quiet study lounge set daily to the comfortable temperature of 85 degrees Fahrenheit!!!
  • !!!Wireless that works almost 7% of the time!!!
  • !!!80 degree dorm rooms!!!
  • !!!Washing machines that will NEVER stop working mid-wash, 33% of the time!!!
  • !!!Mail-room workers who will ONLY open up your mail and steal parental monetary gifts if the envelope is in the shape of a greeting card!!!
  • !!!A guest policy which will generate pure appreciation for the absolute virtues of Hitler’s Nazi Germany!!!
  • !!!A computer lab equipped with one printer that ONLY fails to work when you most need it!!!

GET IT NOW BEFORE IT’S

GONE
GONE
GONE!

I just found this in my old Livejournal, dated March 26th 2006. I’m so glad I peaced the fcuk out of that hellhole! :)

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