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Baby Beards – The Solution to Juvenile Contentment

16 Apr

happy child

Does this look like the face of a child in your life? 

If your answer is yes, you’re only 1 of thousands of adults suffering from the noxious effects of juvenile contentment.

When children are happy, they radiate positive energy that can be detrimental, even fatal, to nearby parents, neighbors, teachers, and others. Childhood happiness can distract adults from tasks such as:

  • Paying bills
  • Writing out detailed grocery lists
  • Maintaining a furrowed brow
  • Complaining about the price of oil
  • Enforcing punishment such as groundings or no-TV
Thankfully, there is a solution to this problem that will literally wipe the smile off any child’s face. Introducing, the Baby Beard™
baby-beard
The Baby Beard™ is designed to mask and cover up the annoying aesthetic effects of juvenile contentment on a child. That is to say, it virtually erases all
  • Smiles
  • Grins
  • Satisfaction with the moment
and as a bonus, will even
  • conceal underdeveloped teeth and unsightly braces
baby beards
How does the Baby Beard™ work?

The Baby Beard™ is constructed of crocheted yarn, and attaches to the face via loops for the child’s ears, or buttons which can be simply connected to an accompanying crocheted hat, as seen in the photo above. In recent research, the Baby Beard has been effective in both concealing the smiles, grins, and other outward signs of happiness. It has even had the effect of levelling a child’s jubilant mood to a more acceptable mood of sourness or mere neutrality. The Baby Beard is also a great natural solution for adults who dislike children, as it transforms an otherwise youthful face into the face of  a man aged 52.
Thanks for reading about my newest sponsor, and don’t forget to visit the Official Baby Beard store, where you can also find Beards 4 Babes, and Hipster Hair! Stay tuned for an upcoming installment about my other newest sponsor, Bump-It: The ORIGINAL Hair-Volumizing Insert.
Brought to you by Samantha McCormick.

This blog is sponsored by Bump-It, the ORIGINAL hair-volumizing insert, and the Baby Beard™

Plane Crashes Into IRS Office in Austin, Texas

18 Feb

Being that it is tax season and the aircraft was a small one-man plane, if you do not see the irony in this you need to be

SHOT

Apparently the guy had tax problems and thought that the best possible way to end his financial troubles was to set his house on fire and fly his airplane into a government building. Please note that I will be forced to abandon all prior commitments when the poster-boy of logic and reasoning, Mr. Joe Stack, appears as a guest on The Colbert Report. You can Become a Fan of Joe Stack here.

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