16 Dec

Handtowels. They seem so insignificant, but they mean the world to me. Especially when they are NONEXISTENT.

Picture this. I’m visiting a friend’s house. I have to pee. I shut the door, relieve myself, go to the sink to wash my hands and

FUCK. There’s no fucking handtowel.

And this means that I am forced to emerge from your bathroom with dripping-wet seemingly pee-soaked hands, which I inefficiently banish by rubbing on my skirt/pants/dress/leggings. Congratulations, friend, you have successfully doomed the next 20 minutes of my life to distracting, clammy-thigh hell. All by choosing to buy that cactus at Ikea over a multipack of friggin handtowels.

You could have the dirtiest, cat-furriest house ever, and I wouldn’t be bothered. Not if you had one single handtowel in your bathroom. Because to me, that says “I care.”

I know what you’re thinking. That bath towel that you hang over the door is not a giant version of a handtowel. You know you just wiped your private parts all over that thing nearly 8 hours ago. So yea, don’t just assume your house guests will happily wipe their clean hands all over your dirty, damp bath towel.

From this point forward, I will rate my friends and significant others on the status of whether or not they keep a handtowel in their bathroom. Extra points if they are clean and dry. (Presently, I am cringing at the memory of a long-gone boyfriend from Allston who definitely did not own a handtowel OR any clean bathtowels for that matter… and I am smiling fondly at a recent boyfriend’s Mom who always kept about 60 handtowels all on the same rod (it defied physics, I tell you). )


3 Responses to “Handtowels”

  1. Ahmnodt Heare December 19, 2009 at 3:43 pm #

    Yeah, what’s with that? I hate having to go into somebody’s linen closet for a hand towel all the time. The hand towels are often buried under poorly folded contour sheets and they try to blame that on me!

  2. Michael December 26, 2009 at 12:12 am #

    “Seemingly” pee soaked hands huh? I think you are projecting.

    Rough math based on personal experience would estimate to me that only about 40% of all men wash their hands at public restrooms, now those are some pee soaked hands.

  3. ummmmheyyyy December 27, 2009 at 8:16 pm #


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