An excerpt

27 Feb

Below is a bit of the children’s story that I’ve been working on. Let me know what you think.


Jeffrey continued to read out loud:

“It was a very colorful scene. Fat men, skinny men, tall men, short men, they were all seated around the table. Every single one of them was stuffing his face with fish and creamed corn, pausing only to suck down brew or to chuckle at another man’s story. And every so often one of the men would belch.” read Jeffrey.

“BRAAAWWWWP!” he heard. Jeffrey jumped, then scanned the children’s book section for the source of the sound. He even climbed back onto the bookshelf and looked over it. But he didn’t see anyone.

Someone must be playing a trick on me, thought Jeffrey. It seems as if everything I read is happening around me. But – how do they know exactly what I’m reading? He was confused.

“I’m not going to fall for your little trick,” he said out loud to no one in particular.

Then he shrugged and returned his eyes to the page, again reading the words aloud.

“Suddenly, a massive wave hit the side of the great ship. A few of the cups knocked over, spilling brew all over the grimy old table. ‘Looks like we got a storm headed our way, boys!’ yelled the oldest mate over the sound of the crew. The oldest mate had a beard as red as the tip of a match. They called him Ol’ Red.”

Jeffrey felt something wet on the bottom of his sleeves. He examined his arm. He watched as a dark, wet spot grew on his sleeve. Afraid that he was bleeding, he thrust both sleeves back and peered at his skin. Nothing. No cut, no blood…

He thought about what he had just read. The brew. The brew spilled all over the table. My sleeves are wet from the brew that spilled on the table. I’m sitting at the table. I’m in the story.

Jeffrey spent a minute or so staring into space in amazement. With his arm, he wiped the drool from his lower lip.


That’s just one of my favorite parts that I’ve written so far. I’m eleven pages in.


6 Responses to “An excerpt”

  1. Ahmnodt Heare February 28, 2009 at 3:15 pm #

    I hope Jeffery reads the book that says I will win the election in 2012. :)
    Well written passage. It makes me want to have kids so they have something to read.

  2. ummmmheyyyy February 28, 2009 at 4:41 pm #

    If only for the good PR, you should definitely consider procreating.

  3. Gorilla Bananas February 28, 2009 at 11:26 pm #

    What he reads happens to him. That is simply brilliant. I thump my chest in awe and possibly kiss your feet. But it won’t carry a whole book. You’ll have to think of ten other ideas just as good.

  4. ummmmheyyyy March 1, 2009 at 12:04 am #

    Thanks for the snide comment! & I will continue writing.

  5. JennBerry March 20, 2009 at 12:09 pm #

    yo cuz – Its a good idea. . . but uh. . .

  6. ummmmheyyyy March 20, 2009 at 10:22 pm #

    hahaha somewhat. oh well, i gave up on it anyway. me and my ADD..

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