Awkward Valentine’s Day

14 Feb

Happy Valentine’s Day!

About a month ago, I found a really great website that allows anyone with an Internet connection to type in text, wait as the words go through a magical Internet machine, and marvel at their own personalized virtual candy heart. Yea, that part’s cool and all. But the best part of the website is that it shows a smattering of other peoples’ creations.

Here are my favorites. They’re awkward as fuck.


Who needs face-t0-face confrontation when you can tell her that she’s a prude with a candy heart?


Okay that just makes me think of nieces in pieces, which makes me imagine ‘U’ dragging your nieces by the hair through the woods and hacking them to death with a machete. Happy Valentine’s Day.


Heart Skin must be a delicacy where you come from. Or, you’re planning on eating your girlfriend tonight. Either way, I’m concerned.


Hm. Seem to have “lost” all the ‘Luv Ya’ and ‘Fax Me’ hearts..

What I’m really trying to say is don’t ever call me.


Turn the u upside-down……..sounds crazy but it

might     just     work

Red lettering on black, yes, yes, it works, it really works……….


So dirty that I made you this e-candy heart on the Internet. SO DIRTY. Maybe tonight we can hook up the webcams and cyber.


Convert to Catholicism, TODAY!


Come on, I’ve always wanted to try it. Really? You’ll do it? – – I think you bend over and I do a C-shape with my arms and legs – – No not like that – – No that hurts – – OW MARTHA YOU’RE HURTING ME

Wait it was 69? GODDAMMIT

Here is the website.  Just keep hitting Refresh. I will probably spend tonight lurking the shit out of it, as I already celebrated Valentine’s Day with my own 83 partner on Thursday. (It was a two-occasion affair, being Lincoln’s birthday and all.)
On that note, GET LAID and DRIVE  SAFELY! (In that order.)


6 Responses to “Awkward Valentine’s Day”

  1. Hotexotic February 14, 2009 at 7:37 am #

    Thank you for your interesting article.
    Now your blog is placed in my bookmarks.
    Good luck! ..

  2. newman February 14, 2009 at 8:31 am #

    very good, may visit it soon!

  3. ummmmheyyyy February 14, 2009 at 10:45 pm #

    Hotexotic why is your blog in gibberish?

  4. James McKenna February 15, 2009 at 6:12 pm #

    i need a candy heart that says “watch yo step”

  5. James McKenna February 15, 2009 at 6:12 pm #

    by the way that isnt gibberish…its korean isnt it?


  6. ummmmheyyyy February 15, 2009 at 9:46 pm #

    .ru – Russian? AHH I’m perplexed.

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