Inauguration: You 1.8 million think you’re sooooo cool

22 Jan
Watching the Inauguration parade in DC

Watching the Inauguration parade in DC

Videos are sprinkled throughout. (Let’s face it, Interneter. I know you. You’re going to ignore the text and go straight to my videos. I’m okay with that. I wrote this mainly for myself and for Jenn Berry, who’s in England, and made this trip happen for me.)

Premier Bus Lines deposited us onto the mean streets of DC at 5:30 in the morning. (By “Premier” they must mean “Comparable to sitting on a moonbounce while children are jumping”). The sky was black, the moon was thumbnail-like, and the Capitol dome was brightly looming in the distance. It was the first and last time I would see a government monument. http://www.myspace.com/suspensefulmusic

Vendors scampered about arranging their Obama hand-puppets and Obama air fresheners (“They smell like change, 3 dollars”) on tables. Normal people were out too, alot of them; it was kind of like a vampire movie. Mental note: write screenplay for Political Interview with the Vampire, starring Denzel Washington as Barack Obama and Danny DeVito as Anderson Cooper.

Jenn, I REALLY regret not buying you this

Jenn, I REALLY regret not buying you this

We got breakfast at the Hyatt Hotel. Coincidently, out of 100 tables, we sat at the table the college freshmen behind us on the bus had sat.

Me: “Which one of you decided to eat Doritos at 2 o’clock in the morning?” [The three freshmen look at eachother]

College Freshmen #1: “Me”

Me: “FUCKKKK YOUUUUUUU”

We walked away to get coffee and I said to Greg ‘That’s not an awkward breakfast or anything.” Greg’s eye twitched a little so I know he heard me and laughed on the inside. He was pretty much asleep still. Hey thanks, Premier Bus Lines! Anytime I want my boyfriend turned into a shell of his former self, I’ll call you.

We had our awkward breakfast and went outside to test out personal space boundaries for about 2 and a half hours, eventually rounded a corner, and ended up at the same place we started.

I’d like to give props for the creativity that others exhibited for trying to move through the giant, lovable, masses of Obamafans:

1. Lady holding up a plastic police badge: “POLICE, I got a sick lady with me, let me through”

2. Crowd: “MOVE – THAT – BUS”

3. Southern old lady jamming her Prohibited-Item walker into peoples’ backs (if it was my back I would have been REALLY MAD! but ultimately would have DONE NOTHING! as you may have learned from my old people entry.)

Hours later, a cop told us that they stopped letting people into the Mall, due to “a water main break” which immediately sounded like code for “Bomb threat: time to shit pants”. We found an Irish bar with 10 TVs (shout-out to The Irish Channel) where we gathered with other people who didn’t get into the ceremony. Even people with tickets were there. Today, a little sentence in USA Today (jinxyouowemeasoda!) explained that the Purple Ticket gate was never opened because Barry down at Metal Detector Deliveries R Us delivered to “Mashmington, DC” by accident.

We drove 11 hours to get there, to watch it all happen on TV. Whatevs, even the 1.8 million people who got into the actual ceremony ended up watching it on TV (see below), but in the arctic cold (as CNN said, “Temperature in DC: 25 degrees, feels like 11,” to which I remarked “Where do they come up with that measurement?” and some big black guy laughed.)

A picture of a picture of a picture.. wait I think I just blew your mind

A picture of a picture of a picture.. wait I think I just blew your mind

I talked to people from San Diego, West Virginia, North Carolina, and heard the legend of The People That Came from Ethiopia (What? I know..) This was the reason I wanted to come to DC most. I wanted to experience history alongside the other people who dropped everything to come out there and be a part of it all.

And besides seeing the Reverend Al Sharpton, I even saw Brink…

Editorialists, bloggers, and comic strip artists can satire the SHIT out of the nation’s optimism towards Obama’s presidency. Why not put on some black eyeliner, line up your Taking Back Sunday albums, and make a cozy spot in the corner to cry in? Don’t forget to Twitter about how life sucks every half hour.

Please excuse my cold sore:

DVD Extras

DC’s Reaction to Bush during the Inauguration:

DC’s “Chinatown” . . I think they were hinting at something:

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8 Responses to “Inauguration: You 1.8 million think you’re sooooo cool”

  1. James McKenna January 22, 2009 at 3:44 am #

    dc’s chinatown IS black.

    thats a crazy fucking place.

  2. ummmmheyyyy January 22, 2009 at 4:35 am #

    crazy or unattractive. i was under the impression that it would have architecture not reminicent of prisons

  3. outspokenandunderpaid January 22, 2009 at 8:41 pm #

    I want you to know, I read the text AND looked at the videos in the order in which you presented them!!! SURPRISE!!!

    Hey P.S. I forgot to mention with my inital comment that I found your blog after reading your comment regarding the photo I had submitted to the blog of unnecessary quotation-marks!!

  4. ummmmheyyyy January 23, 2009 at 3:32 am #

    Well thank you so much for reading! You sure showed ME!

    Which photo was it?

  5. dctouristsandlocals January 23, 2009 at 2:01 pm #

    Haha, Chinatown is bigger than that! And all the architecture in the city resembles that of a prison and/or military base housing – you be the judge. I also regret not getting an Obama hand puppet, but some dude wanted $10! F-that.

  6. ummmmheyyyy January 23, 2009 at 3:19 pm #

    My fave Obama-merch salesman was OCD Poster Salesman. I was like “This is LITERALLY the fourth time you’ve asked us if we want to buy your poster” – he kept asking the same people over and over..

  7. Tanzie January 23, 2009 at 8:39 pm #

    no pepsi “coke”

  8. JennBerry. January 28, 2009 at 3:02 pm #

    LMAOO

    Whoa so glad I read this today as my bell went off to pick up those little shits i nanny. . . well.

    Lets see – One LOVED the view “I think i see Obama” – I died.

    Chinatown. . . seriously DC try harder – i feel like that just screams HEY WE SUCK AT BEING DIVERSE!

    Uhm… Greg did you try to start that Na na na na up at the Irish Bar? I think I heard you – We’re not in the 90s anymore. . . but clearly one might think so by your silly Home alone impression. . too funny.

    Loved it! Glad you Enjoyed – Glad I could live through you!!!! <3

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