Confession: I have a neurological disorder! Yaaaayyyyyy

Me and my pal Restless Leg Syndrome

RLS and I have been kicking it since 2007. We went to bed together, and she kept me up all night.

OOoooohhhh Yeaaaaaaaa.

My mom, a nurse,  suggested that bananas might help me get to sleep. A few weeks of bedtime bananas and REM-deprived nights went by. I finally realized that BANANAS DID NOT STOP MY LEGS FROM MOVING, as sensible as the idea might sound.  My Mom (a frickin NURSE, I remind you) was wrong. Mom — your cover has been blown. When you put on your “Nurse’s Uniform” and go to “work,” you’re actually driving to Rhode Island to work the penny-slots and watch Steve Anthony & Persuasions play the best of the 70s, 80s, and 90s.

I began seeing a neurologist, a man named Dr. Blackman, who hates Sarah Palin and looooves the Canadian prank call. Dr. Blackman gave me a prescription for Requip, also used to treat Parkinson’s Disease. Essentially, I am taking the same pills as

who is another Canadian that matters. I know this because I did a book report on him in the 3rd grade. (I may have misunderstood the assignment.)

So, What IS Restless Leg Syndrome?

Good question. Here’s what I think:

That being said, I get into bed, pop a large pill, wait out a few minutes of Restless Legs-ness, then doze off.

There have been a few occasions when I have slept outside of my natural habitat and forgot to bring my pills. That sucks. It takes me hours to fall asleep because my legs seem to think they’re engaging in a soccer match when my mind is all “HEY DOWN THERE DID YOU NOTICE THE BED? IT’S TIME FOR SLEEP” – but eventually I do fall asleep. However, I have been told by a credible source that my legs move in my sleep. Which makes me feel like a dog that tries to run in its sleep. And I am a girl, so associating myself with a dog makes me feel quite poopy.

CONFESSION COMPLETE

Tagged: arizona, bananas, canada, canadians, cover bands, dogs, marty mcfly, michael j. fox, neurology, nurse, parkinson's disease, restless leg syndrome, rhode island, sarah palin, suggestive language, top

Posted in: confession, meet my mom